Sober living

How to Help an Alcoholic

When they reach the point in their substance use when they get a DUI, lose their job, or go to jail, for example, it can be difficult to accept that the best thing they can do in the situation is nothing. Verywell Mind articles are reviewed by board-certified physicians and mental healthcare professionals. Medical Reviewers confirm the content is thorough and accurate, reflecting the latest evidence-based research. Content is reviewed before publication and upon substantial updates. Now this is not to say that the family dynamic may not have issues that should be considered, but to blame an individual’s addiction on trauma or stress brought on at home is not sufficient enough explanation. Regardless of your situation, we will help you in finding your own personalized treatment solutions – whether that’s our program or another – at no cost or obligation to you.

As a result, the person with a SUD doesn’t deal with the consequences of their actions. Don’t allow the disappointments and mistakes of the past affect your choices today—circumstances have probably changed. If you have children, it’s important to protect them from unacceptable behavior as well. Do not tolerate hurtful or negative comments addressed towards them. You may still want to help your loved one when they are in the middle of a crisis.

Being able to recognize the blame game when it happens might be the very first step to recovery. Irrational blame is any kind of blame that the person has to think far too much about or rationalize. Irrational blame is the kind of blame that says, “It was their fault.” when you might already know that it was yours. Report a patient safety event or concern about a Joint Commission-accredited or -certified health care organization. Reach out to a treatment provider for free today for immediate assistance.

  • Loved ones may not recognize the symptoms, since they’re used to the behavior.
  • While some strategies have more positive outcomes than others yet individual differences exist.
  • Here are three vital truths anyone who loves an addict or alcoholic needs to know.
  • The problems were identified using a non standardized 17 item structured questionnaire while coping in wives of alcoholics was assessed using standardized tool.

In rehab, people undergo alcohol detox, learn about the dangers of alcoholism and find new ways to avoid drinking. Many people today do not view addiction as a disease, which it is. This stigma creates shame, guilt and fear in individuals who are addicted to alcohol. It is possible you will hear, or have already heard, a significant amount of blame for your loved one’s drug and alcohol problem. Your loved one has pointed their finger at things you said, things you didn’t say, things you did, things you didn’t do. They’ve searched high and low and even gone to triggering places to make you feel responsible for their drug and alcohol addiction.

Many people with alcohol addiction lie to hide their drinking habits or the severity of their addiction. They may say they worked late when they really spent time at a bar. Or they may say they’ve only had one beer when they’ve actually had many more.

If it is safe to do so, giving them a space to talk about their addiction can also help them feel less alone. Additionally, they may be more likely to receive treatment if they feel supported. On the other hand, you should never confront someone if you feel it’s not safe. In these cases, an intervention with family and friends may be necessary.

Denial as a Symptom of Alcoholism

Experts3suggest that changes in brain functioning caused by addiction can make it difficult for people with addiction to be self-aware. This means a person who lives with alcohol addiction may not know they are engaging in behaviors like blame and denial to protect themselves from their fears. If you or someone dear to you is suffering from alcoholism or substance abuse, we encourage you to reach out to us at Northbound Treatment.

Get started and change your life with the simple click of a button. We’re embarrassed.I was often mortified about my actions and the choices I made while under the influence. For some reason, admitting that the situation was fully my own fault made it even more embarrassing. So instead of taking ownership of my actions, I blamed the breakup I had just gone through or the way my anti-depressant interacted with alcohol.

alcoholics blame others

The tool yields mean scores in three forms of coping, namely, engaged coping, tolerant coping, and withdrawal coping. Engaged coping is coping by standing up to the problem , tolerant coping is inactive coping by putting up with the problem , and withdrawal coping is withdrawing from the problem and gaining independence . The mean scores can be obtained by simply summing up the individual items score on each subscale. The tool was translated into Hindi and retranslated into English after seeking validation from language experts. There may be very little you can do to help someone with AUD until they are ready to get help, but you can stop letting someone’s drinking problem dominate your thoughts and your life.

Fear of Change Can Lead to Lying or Blaming Others

The good news is that therapy for alcohol addiction can help people overcome these underlying issues and address the thinking patterns that led to denial and continued alcohol abuse. One form of therapy that is especially useful in cases of alcoholism is cognitive behavioral therapy4, or CBT. This form of therapy allows people to overcome distorted ways of thinking, replace them with healthier thought patterns and change negative behaviors like drinking. The coping strategy used is also a function of individual personality along with other situational determinants. Further, there are reports of association between the demographic variables of wives and coping styles employed.

alcoholics blame others

Abandoning priorities to focus on drinking is one of the most apparent characteristics of an alcoholic. Priorities such as work, childcare, or a romantic relationship all take a back seat when someone is focused on obtaining and consuming alcohol above all else. Bars often charge a lot more for alcohol than stores do, so if someone spends a lot of time drinking at the bar, they may find themselves spending more money than they can afford to.

Months Recovery Support

The only way you alone can change the current course of your interactions with someone with a substance use disorder is to change how you react. Group health insurance and health benefit plans are insured or administered by CHLIC, Connecticut General Life Insurance Company , or their affiliates . The Cigna name, logo, and other Cigna marks are owned by Cigna Intellectual Property, Inc. Talking to other people who understand can be the best help of all.

alcoholics blame others

To be considered alcoholism, drinking habits need to interfere with physical health, mental health, social wellbeing, or occupational success. There are different types of alcoholics, ranging from functional to severe chronic users. While some people may function better than others, drinking enough to be considered an alcoholic implies some level of eco sober house boston harmful consequences. As things begin to progress, one very apparent personality change is uncontrolled drinking. If you live with an alcoholic or see them in social settings, you might observe them in an out-of-control state with liquor. This is usually a sign of dependency, in which they have a constant physical and psychological urge to drink.

However, these behaviors can fracture their relationships, threaten their employment and exacerbate their addiction. For these individuals, dishonesty can be intentional or unintentional. They may lie to simultaneously maintain their drinking habits and their relationships with loved ones. They may also engage in evasion, deception and manipulation to distort the truth about their alcoholism.


What might seem like a reasonable expectation in some circumstances might be totally unreasonable when it comes to someone with an addiction. When your loved one swears to you and to themselves that they will never touch another drop of alcohol, you might believe them. You just happen to love someone who is probably going to need professional treatment to get healthy again.

Pointing the blame away from the drug use is a technique to avoid thinking about the consequences of addiction. Someone using a drug may also see it as a form of relief from what they consider to be larger problems. They may claim that their drug use makes them more focused, productive, or relaxed.

How COVID-19 Has Impacted Alcohol AbuseAs the COVID-19 pandemic continues, the numbers of alcohol abuse have continued to rise, causing concern across America. However, certain food groups also have benefits when it comes to helping with the discomfort of withdrawal symptoms and detoxification. “Nonverbal displays of shame predict rela[…]ecovering alcoholics.” Clinical Psychological Science, 2013. Goldstein, Rita Z.; et al. “The neurocircuitry of impaired insight in drug addiction.” Trends in Cognitive Science, September 2009. Kaur D, Ajinkya S. Psychological impact of adult alcoholism on spouses and children.

More than 60% of wives also reported feeling mentally disturbed often. Despite such emotional problems, almost half of them never displaced their frustration on children and three-fourth of them never ignored their children. It was seen that only 7% of the wives reported that they often ignored their own physical health while 10% of them also reported sleep disturbances.

Many people with alcohol addiction grapple with guilt and anger, which can lead to blame. People may blame loved ones or employers for causing stress that led to their drinking problems. Or they may point the finger at a friend or co-worker for buying them a beer in the past. Our community offers unique perspectives on lifelong recovery and substance use prevention, empowering others through stories of strength and courage. From people in active recovery to advocates who have lost loved ones to the devastating disease of addiction, our community understands the struggle and provides guidance born of personal experience. You will also find information on spotting the signs and symptoms of substance use and hotlines for immediate assistance.

Calls to numbers on a specific treatment center listing will be routed to that treatment center. Additional calls will also be forwarded and returned by a quality treatment center within the USA. Learn about the medical, dental, pharmacy, behavioral, and voluntary benefits your employer may offer.